The stress-inducing moments of parenthood can grind away at the sanity of a mother and father, releasing frustration, anxiety, anger and desperation in varying degrees and intensities.
So many times I have wanted to just throw my hands up in the air and scream, much like Cameron Diaz at the end of the movie “Very Bad Things.” Clenching a toilet bowl brush in her gloved hand, she falls to her knees and collapses in the middle of her neighborhood, howling in despair and frustration over her life. OK, this comparison is a bit extreme, but haven’t we all come close to or reached some sort of breaking point?
And then out of nowhere our child says or does something absolutely hysterical, crushing our frustrations and contextualizing our problems. We realize we are part of a family with individuals who are saying and doing their own thing and thinking about the world in their own way. And when our children break through our miasma of stress with their comical insights, we find the laughter so very therapeutic and we hold onto those memories.
It is these memories I asked the single parents in my Facebook groups to share — and they did. The response was astounding and provided me with hours of laughter. Instead of one post, I decided to create a series of these comedic moments with this column being the first of seven, running the week after my news aggregation post.
Following are some hilarious incidents between single parents and their children:
“My youngest was getting ready to go kayaking lol. He said, ‘Mom, I won’t die now.’” His enterprising, life-preserving ensemble ended up involving two life jackets wrapped around his neck and one tied around his waist as well as a bike helmet.
“My 17 year old still tells me that the new sneakers he gets make him run faster.” Another poster added, “This is great. I now have hope my 7 year old will never grow out of that thought process lol.”
“The other day I thought my son was sleeping while I sprinted to the laundry room right out of the shower, using a hand towel to cover myself just in case. My 7 year old said, ‘OMG, Mom, your butt is so huge!! And why does it bounce like that all over the place? It’s like it’s everywhere!’ The look on his face was pure terror.”
“My daughter . . . no longer thinks my answers to anything are acceptable and tells me to just ask Google. She’s 4. One day she asked me a question that I didn’t know the answer to, so I did the ‘OK, Google’ thing. And now with every question, she says, ‘No, Mom, ask Google.’ One time the question was what color are leaves. I said, ‘Look out the window’ — not ‘Ask Google!’”
“At 4, my daughter would tell me fun facts. I would ask, ‘Where did you come up with this stuff?’ ‘Mom! I Wikipedia it’ — but she pronounced it ‘wakipedia.’”
“I was talking to my sister the other day, and my daughter was butting in my conversation. ‘Who, Mommy?’ she asked and I said, ‘None ya business.’ ‘Tell None Ya Business I said hi,’ she said.”
“On Monday my 13-year-old daughter had the brilliant idea to microwave a toaster strudel. It would have been fine, except I have no idea how long she had it in there. I got a text from her while I was at work saying, ‘I put a strude in the microwave and now the whole apartment is smoky.’ Yesterday was the first day our home didn’t smell like chocolate toaster strudel charcoal!” When asked how long it had been in the microwave, he added, “No clue. She suddenly couldn’t recall how long she set it for [and] I don’t know what possessed her to put it in the microwave to begin with lol.”
“When my oldest was in third grade, her spelling word was poppy. She had to make it plural. She wrote ‘poopies’ and asked me if that was the plural form.”
“When my youngest was 5 or 6, she absolutely hated SpongeBob Squarepants. Finally one day I asked her why she didn’t like SpongeBob. she answered, ‘Well, who ever heard of a talking piece of cheese? That’s just silly.’”
“I had a bug on my head and told my kids to knock it off in the back seat while I was driving. They asked, ‘How did you see that?’ I said, ‘I have eyes in the back of my head!’”
“I was driving through town listening to the radio with my daughter riding in the back seat. I heard my daughter ask, ‘Mommy?’ I turned the radio down to hear what she had to say. She continued, ‘When you were little was the world black and white?’ Made me feel as old as dirt!!!”
“A few years ago when my daughter was 13, she walked into the living room and asked, ‘Mom, how do you spell CPR?’ I looked at her and said, ‘C. P. R.’ and I couldn’t help myself from laughing. She still has not lived that one down and she’s now 16.”
“Well, there was this one time in band camp but it’s too painful to talk about.”
“When we went to a farm and saw baby pigs, my child asked, ‘Where do they lay the bacon?’”
“Mortified mom moment: My son started preschool saying ‘pu**y’ at the top of his lungs on repeat because he was obsessed with Percy [of the ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ series] at the time. I had to go to school and explain. That was so much fun for me. They laughed hysterically.”
“I had to run into The Dollar Tree. I told my kids, ‘I just gotta run in for a birthday gift bag and that’s it.’ My sassy 8-year-old daughter asked, ‘While you’re in there, can you buy yourself a sense of humor?’”
“One time I was shoe shopping with my boys. A good-looking man with a friend was shoe shopping in the next aisle over. My son farted and yelled, ‘Ewwww, Mom, you farted! You stinking!’ The guys looked over and started laughing and joking with my boys about it. I just wanted to crawl under a rock; he thought it was so funny. The guys walked away and my son said, ‘Gotcha, Mom.’”
“This is one I giggle to myself about. I was really sad the other day when my 7 year old said the word ‘hospital’ correctly. She usually pronounced it ‘hostible.’ But she has started saying words correctly, and it freaks me out that she is growing up so fast. Yesterday I heard my 9-year-old twin boys talking with each other, and they were pronouncing hospital ‘hostible.’”
“My 4-year-old twins have speech issues, so they pronounce their ‘s’ sounds as ‘d’ sounds. One of them tried to say they had a big stick and was really excited to yell it. We were in front of a church, so I got a lot of looks when he yelled, ‘I have a big . . .’ I’ll let you fill in the last word.”
Please feel free to share some of your stories and enjoy the laughter other stories are sure to produce.
On Thursdays, I share a blog about a day in the actual life of a single parent. Every fourth Thursday, instead of a personal post, I put together one where I assemble news on and about single parents nationally and globally.
I would love to hear from you! Feel free to send any comments and questions to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am also on Twitter @parentsonurown and can be found by searching #singleparentandstrong.